Soon after Jasmine's second birthday, we got the news that we would be able to bring Jasmine home in a few weeks. I was starting to get really nervous because I didn't even know how to feed her with the feeding tube. The hospital made arrangements for me to go during one of her feedings and they would "train" me. I went on the day they said someone would be there to show me. The nurse came in, hooked up the bag with her formula in it, flushed out the tube, hooked her up, started the drip, and left. THAT was my training. A couple of weeks later when Jasmine's social worker called to tell me we could bring her home, I told her that I still didn't know how to feed her. She said the hospital said they showed me how. They never even let me do it myself, so I went back and watched again a few more times. We set the date to bring Jasmine home for July 7th, one day after Jill's 17th birthday.
I have to stop this story for a minute to comment on all the questions I had from many family and friends. Why are you doing this? Don't you realize how much work this is going to be? She is only going to get heavier, how are you going to lift her? What will you do when you get older? Don't you realize she is never going to get better? I was bombarded with questions. Would they be asking me these same questions if I had given birth to her? Maybe, but I don't think so. There was no question in my mind, because in my heart she was my child. I knew that this was God's plan for me and for Jasmine, and I never questioned it. God gave me His message loud and clear, and I wanted this more than anything. On July 7th, Jack, Jill and I drove to Wanaque to pick up Jasmine. There was such a commotion in her room when we got there. Verna had asked me to bring a suitcase for Jasmine, because she didn't want her going home with her belongings in a trash bag.(that's how they send most of the children to foster homes) Verna packed all her clothes, and even stuffed diapers in where she could so I would have a supply when I got home. When everything was packed, we walked to the nurses station to sign Jasmine out. It was there that they handed me a big brown bag full of all her medications and a very long list of when and how much to take. It was extremely overwhelming. I looked at it and I might as well have been reading Chinese, because I didn't understand any of it. It was written for a nurse, not for me! They tried to explain it to me, but I figured when I got home without all of the excitement, I would make sense of it. After everyone said their goodbyes to Jasmine, Verna walked us out to our car. I think that was the hardest part for me, because I knew how much she loved Jasmine too. She had been a good "mother" to her, and I would be forever grateful to her. (we still speak from time to time and I send her pictures of Jasmine.) When we pulled away from the hospital, I felt like someone who had just been released from prison. There would be no more two hour trips to see Jasmine. I could be there for her every minute of every day. It was the best feeling ever. The first thing we did on our ride home, was to pull all those big balls that were in her braids. They looked cute, but I don't know how she was expected to sleep in them because it actually lifted the back of her head off the bed they were so big! When we pulled into the driveway two hours later, I could finally breathe again.
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