BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!

I need to back pedal for a minute because the story of Jasmine and Shandrea are a big part of the whole picture. When Jill was rehabilitating at Children's Specialized Hospital there was a CNA there that took a special interest in her. Her name is Karen and the night of Jill's accident her son had been at the corner right after it happened. He came home and told her all about it and then a couple of weeks later she was taking care of one of the girls who had been hurt. Karen is one of the funniest, nicest, compassionate people that I have ever met. She has a way of making every person she comes in contact with feel very special. Karen took extra special care of Jill. She went to great lengths to make sure that when Jill took a bath that it was as painless as possible, and that was not an easy task. We would talk often and even after Jill was released we saw alot of her when we volunteered. A couple of months after Jasmine was at Children's, they moved her into a bigger room with a few more children. This was better for her because there was more activity to keep her stimulated. There was one little girl named Shandrea who shared the room with her. Shandrea was only six weeks older than Jasmine, and like Jasmine had a life altering event.She was a shaken baby.When Shandrea was around ten months old, she was shaken to the point of severe brain damage and blindness. Her skin was as black as night and as shiny as all the stars in the sky. I have never seen such beautiful skin in my life. Shandrea had a laugh that if it could be captured in a bottle it would make millions. Jill and I spent alot of time with Jasmine and Shandrea, but so did someone else. Karen took to her like we took to Jasmine, and before long thoughts of fostering her were becoming a real possibility. She already had a son who was heading towards his teenage years, and a seven year old autistic son. She struggled with the idea, but like me really felt like this was meant to be. Shandrea went home with Karen only a week before Jasmine came home with us. So it was to be that Shandrea and Jasmine would become best friends forever. We live right down the street from each other. They take the same bus to school everyday and have been going since preschool and are in the same class. They have occasional play dates where they swim together while their mom's catch up on their progress. We even took a trip to DisneyWorld together! So it is only natural that Karen was the first person I called when we brought Jasmine home. I was in a panic. Spread out on my dining room table was a mixture of medications, lists of when and how much to take, feeding tubes, and a list of how much to feed Jasmine every four hours around the clock. Since I had never even fed her before by myself, I was petrified. Karen came to my rescue, bringing a nurse from Children's with her. The nurse sat down, figured out all the meds, wrote out a schedule which I could actually follow, organized everything for me, and showed me how to feed her. I felt so much better, but it was still so much harder than I had ever imagined it was going to be. The next few months I was extremely exhausted, waking up in the middle of the night for her feeds, and waiting while it slowly dripped through her tube.( Her crib was right in our room, so at least I didn't have far to go to check on her.)

Coming Home!!!

Soon after Jasmine's second birthday, we got the news that we would be able to bring Jasmine home in a few weeks. I was starting to get really nervous because I didn't even know how to feed her with the feeding tube. The hospital made arrangements for me to go during one of her feedings and they would "train" me. I went on the day they said someone would be there to show me. The nurse came in, hooked up the bag with her formula in it, flushed out the tube, hooked her up, started the drip, and left. THAT was my training. A couple of weeks later when Jasmine's social worker called to tell me we could bring her home, I told her that I still didn't know how to feed her. She said the hospital said they showed me how. They never even let me do it myself, so I went back and watched again a few more times. We set the date to bring Jasmine home for July 7th, one day after Jill's 17th birthday.                                                            

I have to stop this story for a minute to comment on all the questions I had from many family and friends. Why are you doing this? Don't you realize how much work this is going to be? She is only going to get heavier, how are you going to lift her? What will you do when you get older? Don't you realize she is never going to get better? I was bombarded with questions. Would they be asking me these same questions if I had given birth to her? Maybe, but I don't think so. There was no question in my mind, because in my heart she was my child. I knew that this was God's plan for me and for Jasmine, and I never questioned it. God gave me His message loud and clear, and I wanted this more than anything. On July 7th, Jack, Jill and I drove to Wanaque to pick up Jasmine. There was such a commotion in her room when we got there. Verna had asked me to bring a suitcase for Jasmine, because she didn't want her going home with her belongings in a trash bag.(that's how they send most of the children to foster homes) Verna packed all her clothes, and even stuffed diapers in where she could so I would have a supply when I got home. When everything was packed, we walked to the nurses station to sign Jasmine out. It was there that they handed me a big brown bag full of all her medications and a very long list of when and how much to take. It was extremely overwhelming. I looked at it and I might as well have been reading Chinese, because I didn't understand any of it. It was written for a nurse, not for me! They tried to explain it to me, but I figured when I got home without all of the excitement, I would make sense of it. After everyone said their goodbyes to Jasmine, Verna walked us out to our car. I think that was the hardest part for me, because I knew how much she loved Jasmine too. She had been a good "mother" to her, and I would be forever grateful to her. (we still speak from time to time and I send her pictures of Jasmine.) When we pulled away from the hospital, I felt like someone who had just been released from prison. There would be no more two hour trips to see Jasmine. I could be there for her every minute of every day. It was the best feeling ever. The first thing we did on our ride home, was to pull all those big balls that were in her braids. They looked cute, but I don't know how she was expected to sleep in them because it actually lifted the back of her head off the bed they were so big! When we pulled into the driveway two hours later, I could finally breathe again.

Jasmine's 2nd Birthday!

The months went by slowly. Jasmine celebrated Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day,and Easter at Wanaque. We would visit as often as we could, and still went back to Children's to volunteer on occasion. Every time we would go see Jasmine, I had a hard time leaving her. She spent alot of time by herself, and that killed me. Verna spent as much time as she could with her, and would even braid her hair. I would rock Jasmine to sleep before we would leave, and then gently lower her into her crib. I figured at least she wouldn't realize
                  we were leaving, and that she was
dreaming sweet dreams. I have to mention that during all of these trips to see Jasmine, Jill was still in alot of pain from her accident. She had a hard time sitting or standing for any length of time, so the trip for her was very hard. So were the visits. I could see she was hurting, but I think Jasmine distracted her so she was kind of like her "pain medication". Jill was still going for therapy, and had a couple of operations to manipulate her knee to get more range, and had some hardware from her knee removed. There is nothing harder than seeing your child in pain, especially when there is nothing you can do to help. Through her whole ordeal, Jill has said that if she had to do it all over again for Jasmine, she would. I don't know many people that would say that. She is my hero.
Jasmine's 2nd birthday was approaching, and Verna was planning a party of all parties. She made a ton of Jamaican food, bought decorations, had a Little Mermaid cake, and invited all the nurses and aides to come. Well, what a party it was. There was music and laughter and ALOT of people, the exact opposite of her first birthday. Jasmine got lots of presents, and when the party was over, Verna told me to take them home with me. This was the first time that it seemed like I might really be taking Jasmine home. Jill and I collected all the presents and took them home. We admired all the beautiful gifts that had been given to her, and put them in a corner, waiting hopefully for the day that they would truly belong to her.

Wanaque

Jasmine was sent to Wanaque in the middle of October. I was sick to my stomach because she would be in the hands of people that I didn't know, and I wouldn't have the access that I had to her in Children's . The ride was an hour down the parkway, and then another hour down Rt. 287. It wasn't a bad ride, just a very long ride. The first time we went I was very upset. She went from being in around a 32 bed facility, to I think a 92 bed facility. It was very overwhelming to see so many sick children, peering out through their beds, or just laying there on ventilators. We signed in, found Jasmine's room, and took a look around. She had a roommate who appeared to be around 6 or 7 years old, she couldn't talk, but she sure could smile! She was as sweet as could be, but was all alone with only a TV to comfort her. We met one of the nurses,(who I must say were all very nice) and helped us to get Jasmine in her chair so we could take her for a walk around the ward. When we walked in the main room where they fed them, I was extremely unprepared. There were children everywhere, lined up in front of a TV, some totally out of it, some sleeping, and some just staring at the television. Don't get me wrong, they were totally cared for in the sense that a hospital can care for someone, but it is just so sad to see children with no one to give them that one on one attention that every child needs. Many of the kids were tube fed, (including Jasmine) so there were IV poles everywhere accompanying the patient. This was ours and Jasmine's lives for the next eight and a half months. If I knew how long she would have been there, I don't think that I would have been able to handle it. I would work all day, then take the trip one night a week for two hours, visit for two, and then drive home another two. When the weekend came, we would do it again, spending as much time with her as we could. Sometimes when we could come to see her, the window in her room would be open, her feeding tube unattached in her bed, and she would be soaking wet from the feeding that just spilled all over her bed. There were so many patients that a nurse wasn't able to keep checking her like a mother would check her child. Fortunately, there was a nurses aide who fell in love with Jasmine the minute she saw her. Her name was Verna and she had a thick Jamaican accent. She took to her like I did, and became her hospital mother. Verna would take Jasmine's clothes home to wash, because she didn't want them in the washing machines with all the other soiled clothing. When she would go back to Jamaica for a visit, she would line other people up to look in on Jasmine and to do her laundry for her. I was able to take her clothes home many times too, and it gave me such a feeling of closeness to Jasmine, folding her little clothes and imagining dressing her in them. I had been in touch with Jasmine's social worker, and told her what my intentions were and if she thought that I would be able to foster her. She was going to have to check with her family to see if anyone else was willing to take her first, but she would let me know. Meanwhile, not one of her family members came to see her at all. Her mother came one time with the social worker, only because she was encouraged to do so by the worker. I felt like I was not destined to have Jasmine, because during my Christmas party at work a few days before Christmas, her worker called me and told me that it looked like the Grandma was going to take Jasmine. I was heartbroken but thought that maybe it would be best for Jasmine to be with her family. I told Jill and she was very upset too. We decided that what was to be was what was supposed to happen, and that we should just be there for Jasmine while she was in the hospital. A couple of months later I was informed by the social worker that the grandmother never called her again and that it looked like Jasmine was available to foster. Jack and I went for our classes, and then were told that we needed the classes for medically fragile children as well. We took them too, but I must say it really doesn't cover what you really need to know to care for a special needs child. Once we completed all our classes I thought we were done. Not so. We then had to go through a series of interviews for all family members that would be living with Jasmine, fingerprinting and background checks, and then a home inspection. When the state inspector came to our house, I had to have childproof latches on all my cupboards, (even though Jasmine couldn't even scratch her own nose if she wanted to)and all medicines in a locked cabinet. She even asked to look in my closets much to my dismay, because that's why my house looked so clean! I asked her why she needed to look in my closets and she answered very matter of factly that she had to make sure I wasn't hiding any children in there. Really? While we waited patiently for all of the paperwork to go through, we faithfully visited Jasmine every week.

JASMINE

Every day Jill and I would sign in to the unit and go to various rooms to see the children. I have to say we had our favorites, but would go to where the nurses said we would be needed. On this one particular day, around the second week of June, the nurse told me a new baby had just been sent from Children's Specialized Hospital in Mountainside. I approached the room,(which was one door away from where Jill lived for five weeks) and walked into the beginning of my new life. There sleeping peacefully in her crib was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. She was wrapped tight in her blanket, and a single birthday balloon was attached to the end of the crib. She had just celebrated her first birthday a week before, alone in a hospital. The nurse said she was sent here for rehab, and then would be able to go home. The only problem was that her mother never came to see her, so her home could be in a long term facility. Now that I was a full fledged volunteer, I went over to try and talk to her. I felt like I was looking at a newborn baby, her eyes not focused and her facial expressions nondescript. Here this baby was a year old, but could not even hold her head up or see who was so interested in her. I picked her up and held her, but there was no evidence that she was aware of what was going on. Well, needless to say, I went back everyday to hold this little girl, hoping to get some kind of response out of her. Jill had a favorite little girl she would go visit, and I kept trying to tell her about the "new" girl. I told her she was small so she would be able to hold her and I finally convinced her to come take a look.  Jill walked in the room, started talking to Jasmine, and the response that I had been waiting for finally came. Jasmine smiled at Jill!!! I really couldn't believe it. It was like she came alive for the first time. Now I had some stiff competition because every day we went to volunteer, we would almost knock each other over to sign in and race to her room. We couldn't get enough of this little girl who would gaze up at you while we cuddled her in our arms. We didn't want to show favoritism, so we would switch off with the other kids who desperately wanted the attention too. We started buying Jasmine clothes and pajamas and even little converse sneakers to match Jill's.(her stuffed animal is sporting them to this day) We had a wonderful summer with her, and thoughts were going through my head.(How would I react when they sent her home or somewhere else?) I couldn't imagine not being around her, but it would be impossible to think that I could take her home with me. I had a full time job, and was not a foster parent, especially not one for a special needs child. Then one day in October while we were planning Jasmine's costume for Halloween, the nurse dropped a bombshell. She wasn't even supposed to tell me, but she knew how attached we were and wanted to prepare me. Jasmine was going to be transferred to a long term care facility in Wanaque, two hours away in a few days. She was done with rehab, her mother was not coming around , and they had no room for another long term child there. We were so upset we didn't know what to do. I decided to talk to the social worker to find out what if anything we could do. She told me that Jasmine was available to foster, and that the only way I could bring her home was to go to the fostering classes. I went home and talked to my husband about this. I think he thought I was crazy but he told me to look into what we had to do. I made some phone calls, and we set up a time to start the foster parent classes. At least this was a start in the right direction. (the pictures here are a couple of pictures we took before they moved her to Wanaque)

Children's Specialized Hospital

The next five weeks were very hard for Jill. She went everyday for therapy, and I silently cried while she cried out loud. While we would sit in her room, we could hear children crying and some even screaming. It would break my heart to hear so many children in their rooms with no one to comfort them. The nurses were spread thin, and there was no way that I would leave Jill there alone for even a minute. Yet there were so many who were left alone everyday. I asked the nurse if I could go in their rooms and talk to them or hold them. She said the only way you could do that would to become a volunteer. Well, that was easy! When Jill was released from the hospital, she spent the whole summer going for therapy four days a week. She went from a wheelchair, to standing a little, to using a walker, and finally walking short distances. Then we went to sign up to become volunteers. We had to go through a series of TB tests, orientation, and a walk on the unit which we knew like the back of our hand. I just wanted to get my hands on those kids!!! Our volunteer picture cards were printed, we got our lanyards, and we started going every single day. We would go after Jill's therapy, (and I would cheat and go while she was even in therapy!)  We became friends with so many of the children, (and we were already familiar with all of the nurses.) I don't think we ever missed a day unless one of us had a cold. Then we would suffer from withdrawals until we could go again.

St. Maarten

Around the same time that Jasmine was struggling to survive, Jack,Jill, Chelsea and I were enjoying a vacation in St. Maarten that Jack had won through a raffle at work. It was the first time that I had ever been out of the country, and it was very exciting for all of us. Little did we know that this much needed vacation was going to have to last us a long time. We took advantage of all the great places to eat, the beaches on the Dutch and French side, and even gawked at the naked couples strolling on the beach! Jill and Chelsea went sky gliding ( I could barely watch) and they laughed so hard that I think I can still hear them laughing. When we came home, Jill went to New York with Mary Lynn and her girls, and then to Hershey Park. It was almost as if God was giving her a bunch of fun trips because He knew what was in store for her. On April 17th 2004, not even a month after Jasmine's life altering event, Jill had hers. While crossing the street by our house on their way home from a trip to McDonalds, Jill and Caity(my niece) started to cross the street. Halfway through the four lane road, the light turned green for the cars to go, and a pick up truck that was coasting towards the light, stepped on the gas and went. What happened next changed our lives forever. Jill and Caity were struck by the truck and tossed into the air. Caity landed first and Jill traveled still a little further until she was at least 70 feet from the point of impact. We were called to the scene by a passerby who found out who they were, and we were there in a few minutes. They were both medivacked to Jersey Shore, where they were both evaluated for all of their injuries. Jill sustained a broken femur,broken pelvis, broken knee, broken leg, hemorraging around her liver, concussion, and road rash on her arms and legs and head. Caity suffered facial injuries as well as back and road rash to her feet.(she had been wearing flip flops) Jill was in intensive care for a few days, having an operation to put a rod in her femur and for observation for her other injuries. All in all they were in the hospital for about a week and then they transferred Jill to Childrens Specialized Hospital in Toms River. I had never even heard of the hospital before, so I was surprised to find out that it was only about ten minutes from our house. It was there that Jill and I spent the next five weeks, me sleeping in a chair, and Jill suffering from all the pain she was in, and having to go through extensive physical therapy.